


weak at the knees

by junxouji



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Gay Male Character, M/M, One-Sided Relationship, Romance, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-28
Updated: 2017-07-28
Packaged: 2018-12-08 04:05:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,184
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11638548
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/junxouji/pseuds/junxouji
Summary: Yuta just wants Sicheng weak at the knees.





	weak at the knees

**Author's Note:**

> This was just me testing the waters with this pairing. If you'd like you can find me on twitter as @junxouji.

_ Nothing is what it seems _

_ Tell me about the man in your dreams _

  
  
  
  


It was inevitable from the start. 

 

There was something uniquely dazzling about Sicheng.  _ Perhaps _ , it is because Yuta is also a foreigner so he can distinctly see how Sicheng does not totally fit in this place like the wrong puzzle piece jammed in a peculiar spot. It gives him a flavor Yuta has never experienced with anyone else much less a  _ man _ . 

 

Truthfully, he does not give much thought to having such conflicting thoughts about another male. It’s a new decade and a new time where his mind is not so closed to think there is anything  _ morally _ wrong with. But, Sicheng is young and so full of potential that Yuta does not have the heart to try to snatch that for himself.

 

He, undoubtedly, loves the other but he is completely selfless in his love thus far. He does not want to dampen or dim the radiance the other has. He is content with just holding the most precious place to Sicheng - as his best friend and his support in such an unknown land.

 

There is also the reality Yuta is very ordinary. It might be different if he was like Taeyong who could attract people to him like moths to a flame, or Doyoung with a silky voice, or Jaehyun with his charming personality. Yuta is a lot of things but impressive is not one of them. He pales in comparison to the people around him. He often finds himself comparing all the ways he is ill fit to be Sicheng’s  _ anything _ when he has  _ nothing _ .

 

Sometimes when he feels most masochist he allows himself to hurt. Other times he wears his  _ healing _ smile bitter at the fact that  _ this _ smile was nothing more than a facade to hide away the turbulent yearning in his chest that aches for another male’s acceptance and mutual affection.

 

As selfless as Yuta pretends to be does not change the fact that he would unravel the loose bones of his chest to drop his heart onto a platter for Sicheng if it meant they could spend one second together as lovers.

  
  
  
  


Sicheng has a lot of friends but Yuta takes pride in knowing he is always the first one the other will run or cling to. It’s most evident when they’re all gathered together for a gaming tournament cramped in a small tight space also known as Johnny and Jaehyun’s dorm. Yuta would have been fine with not knowing but one small gently pleading look from Sicheng had weakened his dissolve.

 

Yuta is better at Korean than Sicheng but the other knows many more words than Yuta. Sicheng does not like being alone with the others because he has his irrational fear of making a fool of himself. Yuta can only take advantage of the moment and squeeze Sicheng’s hand in his own satisfied no one questions their skinship anymore. They’re one of those joint things now - wherever Sicheng was, Yuta was likely to be closely by.

 

Yuta reckons Taeil is the only one that has figured out the looks he casts at Sicheng are not brotherly or friendly in any way, shape, or form. Yuta thinks Taeil recognizes it so easily because the male is throwing similar glances at the ever obvious Johnny. He does not mind being exposed to Taeil. He knows the other does not judge him and does not say anything but there is something deeply cationing in Taeil’s eyes. He is a lot less optimistic about the situation than Yuta is as if warning him to  _ proceed slowly _ because inevitably heartbreak laid ahead. It’s a factor Yuta has taken into consideration many times. However, loving someone was not expecting any sort of result or endgame in return. 

 

It was purity and devotion towards another person with the realization that  _ yes _ , Sicheng may knowingly or unknowingly crush his naive heart into pieces.It was the  _ hope _ that it wouldn’t end up that way but where his heart would be safe guarded by the male for many, many,  _ many _ years to come.

 

Yuta has no qualms about being gay. Maybe it is because his family and everyone who would ridicule him is in another country, whom he no longer has to face. Instead, he is graduating soon with a stable job lined up afterwards and a new apartment to look forward to. Yuta  _ may _ have gotten carried away considering the possibilities but he has  _ nothing _ holding him back but the ever present  **_FEAR_ ** .

 

Sure, there are thoughts of the future. Where would Sicheng go after university? Would he return to China or find a job in Korea? Would he find it off if Yuta followed him to China? ( _ Yes _ , he is aware he is whipped but he has no other option but to  _ fall _ now. He is already in the other’s grasps.)

 

Yuta has too many day to day worries to really focus intently on the future. For example, the jealousy that rises when he spies Taeyong press a little too close to Sicheng for comfort. It thuds in his veins like a hunger that wants to lash out at Taeyong for  _ daring _ to steal a smile from Sicheng. Yuta has to control his expression from darkening too quickly, wanting to take Sicheng away to where it’s only them and only  _ HE _ can be the source of all Sicheng’s smiles.

 

The beast is only calmed by the way Sicheng leans back comfortably against Yuta’s chest as if he was seeking his source of comfort, security, and an anchor to keep him from drifting off to his fears. He smiles shyly at Yuta sending a short fuse in the older male’s mind. He forgets why he was mad, why he was jealous, and why he even wished bad on his Taeyong-hyung who was no more deserving of his rage than a harmless declawed kitten.

 

“Sorry, I made you come with me.” Sicheng says sounding every bit of remorseful. Yuta will never  _ not _ be fond of the way Sicheng stumbles over words unsure and uncertain as he forms the thoughts in his head before speaking them out loud. His voice is gentle, surprisingly deep, and thoughtful.

 

Yuta has always liked his voice. As well as his cherry red lips that are full and promising. The way his moon washed skin is so beautifully unblemished in such a youthful way. Or the roundness of his gentle brown eyes resembling a lost deer during most days. There is not a single flaw about the other especially, not when he moves in close and drops his head to Yuta’s shoulder.

 

_ Oh _ , his fucking heart soars. His body language basically screams  _ look at me, look at me! I, Yuta, have gained his special spot _ . He cannot help but curve in towards the other, his cheek pressing against the crown of Sicheng’s head, as his heart does a  _ hard _ pitter patter against his ribs.

 

_ Fuck. Fuck. Fuck _ . Yes, he can live like this - although not romantic, it’s enough for him in those moments to be like this.

  
  
  



End file.
